Ever feel like you are wedged into a ‘type’ like a bad pair of underwear and can’t get unstuck? I always knew I had a type; both physically and emotionally. Yep – he had the looks I liked, narcissistic though (“I take a lot of pride in how my body looks naked.”) and was that I didn’t find it hot when he licked my face like a lollipop. Instead I went online thinking I’m sure there are better versions of my type online. It’s like expecting Starbucks to taste different whether I’ve done the drive-thru or gone inside. All the bad dates…Face licker, lotion in the basket boy, previous shoot out with the police…all of them were necessary.
The issue is that as I’ve grown and changed this ‘type’ wasn’t working for me any longer. You would think, well I’m sure she learned her lesson after him, right? Same coffee, just a different way of picking it up. Instead of tweaking my ‘list’ – I threw it out the car window. If someone asked me out, didn’t seem to be a serial killer and sounded interesting = I would say yes. I’m not always a fast learner when it comes to relationships, so I believe I had to really hit rock bottom to appreciate a good quality person.
Towards the end of the ‘say yes’ dating phase I finally wised up, but that also meant I ended up cancelling some dates. I remember thinking that I’d rather be home in my yoga pants, glass of wine and slobbery dog on a Friday night vs. I didn’t go out nearly as often in my quality dating phase and I’m glad.
When it comes to your romantic life, your propensity toward frank honesty and subsequent disregard for the more sentimental flirtations that come along with the dating game are your biggest weaknesses.
You know what you want, and you’re in it to win it.
After the disastrous ‘say yes’ phase, I had to bust a move and start getting really, really picky. I used this time to get ‘real’ about what I wanted and what my deal breakers and boundaries would be.
It was time for me to metamorphous into the quality phase of dating. I would acknowledge red flags as the deal breakers they were and move on.